A Long Wave Welcome

Myspace

2006-06-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

Do have a look at The Institute of Ape Culture's Myspace page www.myspace.com/theioac

"Bald" Bill Cosby

2006-01-24T06:34:00.000-08:00

Bill Cosby is my favourite gynecologist. Fact.
On the whole fictional gynecologists get a bad press yet Cosby never fails to delight with his lighthearted bedside manner.

RIVER ISLAND

2005-12-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

Twit Twoo.

2005-12-05T04:54:00.000-08:00

Many thousands of years ago men were apes and women were owls. Fact.
The illustration above is from a medical text book written in 4000BC. It depicts a lady singing to her gentleman lover in a rose orchard. It was thought by key thinkers that this image is the source of the word woo meaning to seek the affection of with intent to romance. Originally one would "twit-twoo ones lover".
Interestingly the phrase "to go a courting" comes from the days when Judges were the only people permitted to have sexual relationships. This was abolished in 1903.

Brawlers

2005-11-28T13:08:00.000-08:00

Street fight tonight!
Manhattan Transfer vs Weather Report.
Venue- The Meadow.
Time- 2pm
Arrive early to avoid disappointment. I just saw Jo Zawinul heading down there with a leaf blower and a bike chain. Weather Report mean business.
Report to follow.

Did you know?

2005-11-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

That it is possible to fry eggs on the bonnet of an Austin Allegro?
The image above is the reult of a fifteen minute country drive. Splendid.

Once Licked, Never Beaten.

2005-11-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

This is the King Cone.
It is better than the Cornetto.

Sherry and Mince pies.

2005-11-10T04:53:00.000-08:00

It was the Longwave Welcome Christmas party last night. Above you see Maggie, Christine, Barbera-Sue and Graham playing "walks on rainbow" a gentle game that focuses the mind on the inner cog and the pan planar membrane.
After we played two or three hours of "walks on rainbow" Barbera-Sue opened up her famous crab-apple cider and things quickly got out of hand.
Kenneth-Keith managed to calm everyone down for an hour or two with a traditional Dutch man-ballad about the slow winter tides. Unfortunately this wasn't enough to stop the party from splitting into cliques which then split into factions which then escalated into violence. No one was killed but the atmosphere in the office while being conciliatory is somewhat icy.

LISTEN TO ME WAR LOVERS!

2005-10-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

I hear a lot of people telling me that war is the answer.
It is not. Anyone with even a cursory knowledge of soul music knows that "war is not the answer". What is the answer? Thats what your all asking me.
Simple.
The answer is this. Print it out and let the Peace start flowing. Ideal for the office, school room or pinball arcade.

Dainty Bell

2005-10-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

I have just recently returned from Japan. The trip was a pleasure trip, I was over there to see the sights and meet the people.
Much to my delight the Japanese government saught an audience with me and by way of gift presented me with the tiny bell you see pictured on the right.
It emits a pleasant peal when rung and hangs from the lapel of my overcoat. It acts as both a warning to my foes and a beacon to my kith.

Wont you roll away the stone..?

2005-10-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

I have recently been hired as researcher for a docu-soap based on the "lives" of Jesus christ. The chanel five series which is due to be aired in November 2005 uncovers Jesus as a Nazi poster-boy.

The pamphlet on the right depicts Jesus mid Nazi salute directed at a cowering black figure - This is clearly an image of Christ that is unacceptable to mainstream Christianity, which is why this information has been supressed for the past 2000 years.

However, the story is not so simple. There is evidence to suggest that there were at least three different Jesus' opperating at "the time of Christ". Ancient documents suggest that after a bitter battle for supremicy - Prince of Peace Jesus won the leadership contest. Apparently judges at the time were impressed by his dying for our sins one judge is quoted in the Bethlehem Chronicle as having said "it was a jolly decent thing to do, all things concidered".

1.Prince of Peace - The most popular. The Jesus we all know today
2. Awesome Jesus - A lesser known "combat" Christ
3. Bigot Christ - Shown above, He was never fully accepted into the Holy Circle. Described to me by one religious scholar as "one neighbour thy didn't need to love".

There is anecdotal evidence of a "stakes is high Jesus".

I'm with Christ Number one.

STOP PRESS...

I've just been informed by a reliable source that the remains of "Candy-Cane" Christ have been dug up in suburban Nazareth. "Candy-Cane" Christ was a confectioner of no ill repute who also dabbled in "healing the sick" he was literally the original "sweet jesus" (italics).

Lung!

2005-10-05T16:11:00.000-07:00

I went to visit my Herbalist this afternoon and he told me that my lungs are a pair of thugs. He showed me this picture and explained that I have to start breathing nicely or he'll be forced to inform the authorities.
I'm very disappointed.

RAINBOW

2005-09-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

I saw a unicorn at lunchtime.
It was nothing like I would have expected. It was small and brown and it had the smallest genitals. A bit like a puppies.

Sports Day.

2005-09-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

I spent my weekend hiding snakes in a rural Hospital in England's forest of Dean.
Don't worry, they weren't poisonous.
I hid 200 grass snakes in various secret locations. I will keep you updated on their progress.
The Dilke Memorial Hospital is ideal for hiding snakes. It is Britains warmest and cleanest hospital.

NEWSFLASH

2005-09-23T16:01:00.000-07:00

New recruit Jonafon Tsk will be representing The Third Aim here.
It's going to be a truly super event. Please feel free to send us your reports of the event.

Worlds Collide

2005-09-23T12:48:00.000-07:00

This is the MACROBAT. Named in honour of his 20,000 mile wing span. He is employed by the UN to keep the current peace talks between Tronic earth and Proto earth in progress.
The leader of Tronic earth is Yeast. Yeast is locked in a bitter dispute with Rust, the king of Proto-earth.
I'll keep you informed.

Open the Door

2005-09-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

Do you think you're THIRD AIM material?

We'd love you to join. Describe your skills and we'll give you your slice of the pie.

The High Life

2005-09-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

It has always been a dream of mine to build my own home. I'm sure that to do so would bring me a huge sense of acheivement and self-worth.
Recently I came into a rather large sum of money. So my first port of call was unsurprisingly the architect's office.
The illustration shows the prelimenary designs for my new sub-aqua mansion. I have had the unwavering desire to live on the ocean bed for as long as I can remember. Now I have the oppotunity to render my dreams a reality I'm begining to enter into a new phase of inner harmony.

Battle of the Bands at Bethlehem High

2005-09-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

Like most of you out there I am a HUGE fan of Christian Rock.
Check out the link to enjoy the history of this vital musical force.
Justice

The Current Debate

2005-09-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

The Bears and the Bees

2005-09-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

For those of you who yearn to see the world through the eyes of a Bee, this link may prove useful.

Bears eyes are unlike the eyes of any mammal. On the whole mammals have shperical eyes that rotate in a special socket.
Bears eyes are cylidrical and slide in and out of their heads.
The "cylinder eye" has evolved over hundreds of years to provide the bear with optimum - over water vision. Ideal for catching Salmon.
For many years the problem of looking over water dogged captains and pirates across the world. It was the example of the bear that lead to the Nelson inventing the telescope in 1940.

Ancient Grog

2005-09-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

To your right is the oldest beer in the world. It was enjoyed in the court of Henry VII and is especially good with Goose.
Henry VII was famous for his side-parting, a style which lives on to this day.
Other great inventions from the Tudor age are clogs, pennies, horse shoes and ice-cream.

Michel St Clair

2005-08-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

This is my guru Michel St Clair, he is from Paris. His favourite bands are Nazareth, Poison, Marillion, Rush, Yes, Europe, Scorpion, Kiss and Dollar.

THIS IS THE LAW!

2005-08-10T10:08:00.000-07:00

May I introduce to you a close friend of mine, Judge Jonathon.
He is a high court judge and a practicioner of the third aim and mind fog tecniques. He is made out of corduroy, velvet and leather. His favourite cases are ABH and his least favourite are rape.

Child's Play

2005-08-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

I've just been sent an early proof for the new UN top trumps series, the Kofi Annan card being a highlight.
I like them, but will the kids?
It being developed by the new toy division at Crosse and Blackwell and should be in the shops for Christmas.

Polar.

2005-08-05T15:40:00.000-07:00

Meet Mognet. Mognet is gifted with whiskers of pure electro magnetic energy. He has the power to attract or repel metal at will. This skill alone makes him a formidable ally in a back street skirmish or a hand to hand ruck in a cafe.
He is originally Portuguese but settled in the UK in the mid 1970's. His favourite aspects of British life are as follows- Craft fairs, money spiders, maypoles, sleeping policeman and ladybirds.
He teaches dulcimer classes at the community centre.

Food glorious food...

2005-08-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

What does the defining moment of a terrible battle look like?

2005-08-04T14:37:00.000-07:00

A single crossbow bolt to the neck severing the head from the body. Battle over.

Duchess

2005-08-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

I unearthed this gem whilst rooting through the archives at Leeds Castle. It appears to be an early example of the Victorian comic strip "Status Quo".

72 Hour Mind Control

2005-08-03T15:27:00.000-07:00

I have just returned from the British Library where there is a facinating exhibition on 15th Century mind control literature. The above is a postcard that I picked up as a souvenir. I'm not entirely sure who the chap in the picture is but I gather he is some kind of 15th Century Marty Feldman figure.

Princes' Trust Grant.

2005-08-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

Me travel many mile across um heap big desert. Me walk tall under beating sun. Sun make man tired but man walk on. Man stop at offy for um 40 benson and bottle of um firewater. Um iron bird fly across sky taking um pale-face to um heap big city. Um iron bird cast cold shadow over man, me get heap big angry on fire water. Me take um firestick and make um iron bird crash in um desert. Many dead, man goes on run from law and catch um iron horse to um mountain range. For many days and um many nights me travel on um iron horse. Me reach town. Go to um county council for um Princes' trust Grant. With money me set up internet cafe and vegan restaurant.

MIND FOG!

2005-08-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

John Kerry has been developing his mind fog technique. Click on the picture for clarification.

He is not yet a master of the discipline. Do not judge him.

Walker Crisps on Ice

2005-08-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

Power Ruby Man

He has angular fashion.
Any ground surface makes him angry. Esp hills & the oval cricket ground. Gravel and pebbles anger him (He hates Brighton).
He was born in Brighton.
The Equator definately is his "danger zone".
Bread is his staple diet, especially rye bread. Cracker bread is a must. Ryvita/Nimble.
His breath is a crsytaline cloud breath containing stalagmites and stalactites. It is also his living speech bubble.

Chico Conquello

He has the power to emit a "special water" from the palms of his hands.

Mark

Lizzy Duke

2005-08-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

The Inner Ruby

Meet my inner ruby.

My inner ruby contains the face of a surprised baby. This helps me concentrate.

Josh

The 3rd Aim

2005-08-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

A LONG WAVE WELCOME

Hello dear reader we are a long wave welcome. Do not fear us.

We come bearing gifts. I bring the peach, my colleague - the pear. The voodoo prince you see between us takes care of the nuts and berries. He has an economics degree and is like a father to us.

For more information on our work click here.

(fig 1)

Famous practicioners of our techniques include figures such as Hans Blix (fig 1) and The Manx Men (fig 2).

Hans Blix is an active supporter of the third aim. Amongst his many powers he lists eagle eyes, strength of the bear, iron fist, silent bang and clutch control as his favourites.

(fig 2)

The Manx Men. This crime fighting quartet is nothing short of unstoppable with their lighting quick tails of pure energy. To combat crime they have fashioned their tails into street fighing weapons. Otto favours the iron ball, Granville the claw hammer, Kid X goes Mano a Mano with his motorcycle chain and Marlon plumps for the lobsters claw. Peace.